How to lose a billion dollars super fast
Breaking Unicorns
Observations of unicorns in the wild. 🦄
Featuring…
Enterprise Theater 🎭
Does your company suffer from low-H
? (Hustle, not heroin.)
Or low-F
? (As in no fucks left.)
No worries, the big boss has figured it out!
- It’s culture! We need to read a book! Or, hire a consultant! Company offsite? Hawaii? So cultured!
- It’s values! Embrace your new mandated values!
- Actually, it’s people’s perception. Stupid people. Rebranding time!
- We forgot, we need to hire an adult. A
savior
! Someone who will fix everything. Someone from a real company, respected by friends & enemies alike. Someone who clearly spent a pretentious amount of time on their website.. - The savior said we need to be data-driven. Duh, dummies. Now, we drive data! Make charts go up and to the right, brrr!
- Funny story, turns out it’s the staff.
Fire key/random people.
Let folks know we’re serious.
Ad: If your engineering organization is hiring a savior
, please reach out to learn about the latest SaaS (Savior as a Service) from Dan!
Raising the Bar 💪
So, you raised a big round? Time to spend it all!
We can afford new people, better people, smart people. 🍷
Unrelatedly, introducing 360 Reviews! (Named for the number of reviews you’ll be assigned.)
Now it’s time to raise the bar
! (Euphamism for hire & fire people!)
Are You Disrupted? 🚀
Are you a real disruptor
? Turn it up to 11! Boil that Blue Ocean!
Book Clubbed to Death 📚
Book Decoder Ring
While many of these books are fantastic & highly recommended, that doesn’t need to get in the way of folks mis-using, mis-understanding, and mis-applying them!
Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High
Joseph Grenny, Kerry Patterson, Ron McMillan, Al Switzle
Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience
Mihály Csíkszentmihály
What Got You Here Won’t Get You There
Marshall Goldsmith
No Rules Rules: Netflix and the Culture of Reinvention
Reed Hastings, Erin Meyer
Super Pumped: The Battle for Uber
Mike Isaac
The Everything Store: Jeff Bezos and the Age of Amazon
Brad Stone
Is your <Insert Dept. Name>
in chaos?
Was it the layoffs? (Err, strategic adjustment.) No, no, it can’t be that…
Don’t worry about causes, the company has a fix!
Enter: A savior
! Someone to fix everything!
Spoiler: It’s always “data.” The “fix” is (unironically) always Jira.