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How to lose a billion dollars super fast

Breaking Unicorns

How to lose a billion dollars super fast

Observations of unicorns in the wild. 🦄

Featuring…

Enterprise Theater 🎭

Does your company suffer from low-H? (Hustle, not heroin.)

Or low-F? (As in no fucks left.)

No worries, the big boss has figured it out!

  • It’s culture! We need to read a book! Or, hire a consultant! Company offsite? Hawaii? So cultured!
  • It’s values! Embrace your new mandated values!
  • Actually, it’s people’s perception. Stupid people. Rebranding time!
  • We forgot, we need to hire an adult. A savior! Someone who will fix everything. Someone from a real company, respected by friends & enemies alike. Someone who clearly spent a pretentious amount of time on their website..
  • The savior said we need to be data-driven. Duh, dummies. Now, we drive data! Make charts go up and to the right, brrr!
  • Funny story, turns out it’s the staff. Fire key/random people. Let folks know we’re serious.
Ad: If your engineering organization is hiring a savior, please reach out to learn about the latest SaaS (Savior as a Service) from Dan!

Raising the Bar 💪

So, you raised a big round? Time to spend it all!

We can afford new people, better people, smart people. 🍷

Unrelatedly, introducing 360 Reviews! (Named for the number of reviews you’ll be assigned.)

Now it’s time to raise the bar! (Euphamism for hire & fire people!)

RIP Team Falcon: Lost in tragic “Raising the Bar” incident.

Are You Disrupted? 🚀

Are you a real disruptor? Turn it up to 11! Boil that Blue Ocean!

Be the Disruption

Book Clubbed to Death 📚

How to win at Book Club

Book Decoder Ring

While many of these books are fantastic & highly recommended, that doesn’t need to get in the way of folks mis-using, mis-understanding, and mis-applying them!

Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High

With all due respect, fuck you.

Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience

Faster peasants!

What Got You Here Won’t Get You There

Level-up you fucking amatuers.

No Rules Rules: Netflix and the Culture of Reinvention

You’re about to get a lot more work.

Super Pumped: The Battle for Uber

You’re about to get a lot less sleep.

The Everything Store: Jeff Bezos and the Age of Amazon

I hope you like to pee in a bottle!